tht im gaining a little weight. this immediately offset me. all the confidence ive been trying to build up came tumbling down…

ive been asking people since last year if my face looks bigger, and sometimes i still think it does. every time i ask someone they always say “no, youre fine.” honestly though, i dnt like the look of my face without a touch of matte bronzer to slim it down. makeup truly is magic to me. 

aside frm my face, i am never on good terms with my body. ive been going to the gym to try & lose a few pounds & get toned, and im noticing a little difference in my arms, buts its still not enough for people to see. my arms still look a bit flabby to me. i want them thin, super thin like they were when i was in like 6th grade. and my legs… sometimes i love them, other times they just look big to me, like they dnt fit the rest of my body. dnt even get me started on my stomach, i dnt get how big it looks sometimes. im planning on upping my 150-200 ab exercises to a starting base of at least 500. no more excuses for myself. 

im honestly trying to cut down on eating sugars, but it sometimes is a little irritating when thts all my mom buys. i always try to tell her to buy fruits & yogurt, which she does at times but in comparison to the junk food we have, the fruits and yogurt amounts have lost the battle. regardless, i cnt blame my mom for always buying junk food nor my uncle for always cooking meat, since im the one who consumes the meals. i have this extremely bad tendency to eat til i feel bloated, but i have to change tht. im trying to figure out the diff. between feeling “full” and feeling “bloated,” and i know i have to try & cut my portions in half. no more seconds for me. i dnt wna be the skinny girl who eats like a cow, i wna be the girl who eats in proportion to wht she looks like. no more excuses.

i wna feel confident about my body again, so im making it happen, im pushing myself harder this time.

-mariel